Avoiding Burnout Through Core Values: A People-Pleasing Perspective

Written By Mairi Joyce

People-pleasing can make life feel like a constant balancing act. You want to help, support, and be reliable but over time, constantly prioritising others’ needs above your own quietly erodes your energy, boundaries, and sense of self.

Burnout isn’t just about doing too much; it can also happen when we do too little of what truly matters to us.

One of the most powerful tools to counteract this pattern is clarity around your core values. Knowing what truly matters to you provides a compass for making decisions from alignment, not obligation. When you’re clear on your values, saying “no” to requests that drain you becomes easier and guilt loses its grip.

What Are Core Values (and Why People Pleasers Need Them)

Core values are the principles that guide your decisions, actions, and how you want to show up in the world. They’re the “non-negotiables” that reflect who you are at your best.

For people pleasers, values aren’t just abstract concepts, they’re essential tools for maintaining emotional and mental wellbeing. Without a clear sense of what matters most to you, it’s easy to default to others’ expectations, saying yes out of fear rather than choice.

If we are doing something that aligns with our core values, we are much more likely to feel engaged, that energy that makes you get involved, committed and produce work effectively. On the flip side, if you wake in the night with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach, it may be because one of your core values has been challenged.

Living a life misaligned with our values is more common than we think. Looking back at my own experience, my burnout didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow accumulation of small choices that drifted away from what really mattered to me, until suddenly I found myself asking, “How did I get here?

The Path to Burnout For Working Women

Researchers suggest that alignment with our core values could be the main factor involved in the increase in burnout in our society today.

The problem is that most of us are just living our life, rushing from one thing to another, completely oblivious to whether our actions are aligned with our core values or not. If you don't know what your core values are then its more likely you'll violate them, where as if you spend time understanding them, you are much more likely to notice when something is out of alignment.

In Freudenberger and North's 12 stage model of Burnout, Stage 5 is called “Revision of values”. The theory is that when you come up against something that challenges your core values you have a choice. You can either:

• Make a change and re align yourself, or

• Choose to ignore the discomfort and make a small tweak to one of your core values to make that feeling disappear.

Most people unconsciously choose the second option, which gradually erodes their alignment and accelerates burnout.

By knowing and honouring your core values, you're much less likely to fall into this trap. This makes knowing your core values a critical burnout prevention tool for working women.

Using Your Values To Say No Without Guilt

One of the hardest things for people pleasers is declining requests without feeling selfish or letting others down. Your values give you permission to do this gracefully.

How it works:

1. Identify your top values: Integrity, creativity, family, or wellbeing, whatever truly resonates.

2. Pause before saying yes: Ask yourself, “Does this align with my values right now?”

3. Let values guide your choice: If the request conflicts with your core principles, it’s okay to say no, without over-explaining or apologising excessively.

   
   

When your “yes” comes from alignment, it feels empowering. When your “no” comes from values, it feels responsible, not selfish.

Aligning Daily Decisions With Your True Priorities

People pleasers often lose track of what they want because they’re so practiced at anticipating others’ needs. Core values act like a daily compass, helping you:

• Decide which tasks or commitments truly matter

• Prioritise your energy for what aligns with your purpose

• Set boundaries without fear of judgment

• Reduce the emotional labour of constantly second-guessing yourself

  
  

Even small decisions, like leaving a meeting early to recharge, or declining an extra responsibility at work, become easier when framed around values rather than guilt.

Recognising When You’re Defaulting to Others’ Expectations

Core values don’t eliminate all the pressure, but they help you spot patterns that lead to burnout:

• Automatically saying yes without checking your capacity

• Overcommitting to please colleagues or friends

• Feeling guilty when prioritising yourself

• Neglecting rest or self-care to maintain appearances

If you recognise these habits, your values can be a reminder to pause, reflect, and choose differently.

Practical Exercises to Put Values Into Action

Make a values list

Start with a broad list of potential values, things like integrity, growth, family, adventure, empathy, or autonomy. You can find a full list on websites such as here. Circle the ones that resonate most and try to narrow it down to 5–7 key values that feel essential to who you are.

Revisit regularly

Values can evolve over time. Reassess them periodically to ensure your actions and priorities still match your core beliefs.

Once you know what your core values are you can use them to help inform your decision making and prevent burnout. For example when thinking about managing your microstressors budget, which tasks and activities align most and which should be removed?

Why This Matters For People Pleasers

For working women in particular, learning to make decisions from your values rather than others’ expectations is critical for burnout prevention. It protects your energy, strengthens boundaries, and restores a sense of agency.

When you prioritise alignment over approval, you’re no longer trapped in cycles of guilt, overwork, and exhaustion. You’re choosing a path that’s sustainable, intentional, and authentically yours.

Stop Burnout With Core Values

Re-aligning to your core values isn't a one time task, you need to treat it as essential maintenance. By making conscious choices that reflect your principles, you:

• Reduce the risk of burnout

• Increase engagement at work and home

• Protect your mental and emotional wellbeing

For working women balancing careers, families, and personal goals, this allows you to navigate stress while staying true to what matters most.

If you want to learn more about People Pleasing and Burnout, check out my main post or have a look at other posts in my Burnout Recovery While Working Series, including High-Functioning Burnout.

Mairi x