.png)
Saying No at Work Without Damaging Relationships
- Mairi Joyce
- Jan 25
- 8 min read
Why Saying No at Work Can Feel Difficult
For people pleasers, saying no at work can feel like breaking a rule. You may worry about disappointing colleagues, being seen as unhelpful, or damaging your professional reputation.
But constantly saying yes can lead to stress, burnout, and resentment, none of which help your career or wellbeing in the long run. You can learn more about how people-pleasing can contribute to burnout here.
Recognising that it’s okay to set boundaries is the first step toward a healthier work life. Saying no doesn’t have to be confrontational or rude, it’s about clear communication and self-respect.
The Cost of Over-Accommodating
Overcommitting at work can have hidden costs:
Increased stress and fatigue
Feeling undervalued or overlooked
Strained personal time and relationships
By learning to say no strategically, you protect your energy while maintaining professionalism.
How to Start Saying No
Recognising you find it hard to say no is a good first step, but next you need to learn how to address the problem. If your work identity is wrapped up in being helpful and proactive, as mine was, it can feel like a huge step to start putting boundaries in place.
When I first started, I felt like I had to go into meetings and sit on my hands to stop myself from volunteering for tasks. I would come away feeling sick with guilt, especially if no one else had volunteered. If you can’t stand the tension when nobody volunteers for a task, this may resonate with you.
You may worry about people’s reactions or question your value at work. This is only natural, as people pleasers, we are used to prioritising others’ needs over our own. It can feel uncomfortable at first, and you might fear disappointing someone or being seen as difficult.
The good news is, setting boundaries is a skill you can build, and the more you practice, the easier it becomes. Here are some practical strategies to help:
Prepare in advance: Decide ahead of time what you can realistically commit to if you know you may be asked to take on something extra. This gives you confidence and clarity in the moment.
Don’t answer straight away: Pause and think before responding. Try: “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” This allows you to assess your workload thoughtfully.
Start small: Practice declining low-risk requests first. Each small no builds confidence for bigger conversations.
Keep phrases ready: Have a few polite, professional ways to say no on hand, even on a post-it note beside you if needed. Over time, they’ll become second nature.
Role-play in advance: Practice with a friend, partner, colleague, or coach. Try different scenarios and notice how it feels to assert your boundaries kindly but firmly.
Remember, saying no doesn’t make you unhelpful, it makes you human. Each boundary you set is a step toward protecting your energy, reducing burnout, and showing up as your best self at work.
Practical Phrases to Say No Effectively
At work, you don’t need to over-explain yourself. Your colleagues don’t need your life story to accept your boundaries. At the same time, a simple “no” on its own can sometimes feel abrupt or raise questions about your professionalism.
The key is to keep it concise, clear, and polite, giving enough context without over-apologising or over-justifying. Here are some phrases you can use to set boundaries without creating tension:
“I’m currently at capacity on my projects and won’t be able to take this on right now.”
“I’d like to help, but I need to focus on [current priority] first. Can we discuss this again next week?”
“I don’t have the bandwidth to do this effectively. Could someone else take the lead?”
“I’m happy to support in a smaller way, such as [specific task], but not the full project.”
“Thank you for thinking of me. I won’t be able to commit this time, but I’m glad to offer input if needed.”
These phrases strike the balance between honesty and professionalism. They communicate your boundaries clearly without over-explaining or feeling defensive, and they let your colleagues know what you can do rather than what you can’t.
Over time, these concise statements become natural and you’ll find that saying no at work doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable or complicated. If you want to learn more practical tips about how to communicate clearly try my book review of The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher.
Knowing what to say in advance can make setting boundaries feel much less daunting. Want a ready-to-use reference for when your mind goes blank in the moment? Download our free PDF of useful phrases for saying no at work. It’s designed for people pleasers and includes phrases for your boss, clients, and colleagues, so you can stay supportive without carrying more than your share.
Saying No in Different Circumstances
Setting boundaries isn’t one-size-fits-all. The way you say no can depend on who you’re talking to — whether it’s your boss, your team, peers, or external stakeholders. Each situation may require a slightly different approach, but the principles are the same: be clear, professional, and respectful, while protecting your capacity.
With your boss
Saying no to a manager can feel intimidating, but it’s possible to do so respectfully and professionally. The key is to focus on clarity and solutions rather than excuses:
Frame it around capacity and priorities: “I want to give this the attention it deserves, but I’m currently focused on X. Could I postpone this until next week, or would someone else be able to support in the meantime?”
Offer alternatives: Suggest another way the work could be done, or someone else who could take the lead. This shows you’re still committed to helping while being honest about your workload.
Keep your tone confident but polite: Stick to facts rather than emotions. Managers appreciate clarity and honesty.
With your team or peers
For people pleasers, saying no to colleagues can actually feel harder than saying no to a manager. You may feel responsible for the team’s success, worry about letting others down, or feel pressured to take on more than your fair share. It’s natural to want to help, but overcommitting can lead to burnout and resentment.
Here’s how to navigate it:
Be direct but kind: “I want to support you, but I can’t take this on today. I can help with [specific task] instead.” or " I have some time tomorrow to help you with this" This way, you contribute without overextending yourself.
Encourage collaboration: Instead of feeling you must carry the whole load, suggest someone else who has capacity or invite the team to work on solutions together. This reinforces shared responsibility and avoids you becoming the default “fixer.”
Focus on shared goals, not guilt: Remind yourself and your team that saying no doesn’t mean you’re not committed, it means you’re managing your capacity so you can deliver quality work on what you do take on.
By practising this, you show that you’re a team player while also protecting your boundaries, a balance that builds long-term respect rather than resentment.
With clients or external stakeholders
Saying no to clients or stakeholders can feel high-stakes, but boundaries here are just as important to maintain quality and reliability:
Set expectations early: Clarify what you can and can’t take on, so deadlines and deliverables are realistic.
Use structured, professional language: “I can commit to X by Friday, but I won’t be able to take on Y this week.”
Maintain consistency: By communicating your limits clearly, you ensure that your work remains high quality, and stakeholders learn to trust your commitments.
By tailoring your approach, you can assert your boundaries effectively without causing tension. Over time, colleagues, managers, and stakeholders will respect your limits because they see you manage them consistently, thoughtfully, and professionally.
Why Saying No Benefits Everyone
It’s easy for people pleasers to feel guilty about saying no, because we worry we’re letting others down. But putting healthy boundaries in place isn’t just about protecting your energy, it can actually benefit your colleagues and your team too.
When you always say yes and take on more than you can realistically deliver, a few things happen:
Deadlines get missed or rushed.
Colleagues may become reliant on you to pick up the slack.
Opportunities for others to learn, grow, and take responsibility are lost.
By saying no thoughtfully, you give yourself space to deliver high-quality work on what you commit to and you give your team the chance to step up. If a task isn’t something you can realistically do right now, redirecting it or encouraging someone else to take the lead can be a win-win: you protect your own wellbeing, and your colleagues develop skills, confidence, and accountability.
Think of it this way: saying no is not selfish, it’s strategic. You’re modelling clear boundaries, professionalism, and realistic expectations and helping create a team culture where people respect capacity, communicate honestly, and deliver on what they promise.
Giving yourself permission to say no, even when it’s uncomfortable, can lead to better outcomes for everyone, including you.
Tips for Maintaining Positive Relationships
Be proactive: Let colleagues know your workload regularly to prevent last-minute requests.
Offer alternatives: Suggest other solutions or colleagues who might assist.
Use empathy: Acknowledge the request before saying no.
Keep it consistent: Setting boundaries consistently builds respect over time.
Creating a Sustainable Work Balance
Saying no is a skill, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes. It’s not about being selfish; it’s about protecting your mental health and energy.
By setting limits, you can focus on doing your best work and maintaining healthy, respectful relationships at work.
Remember, every time you say no, you’re saying yes to your wellbeing. Next time you’re tempted to say yes automatically, pause and ask yourself: will saying no help you, your team, or both? Try one of the strategies in this post this week and notice how it feels.
If you want more support in setting boundaries at work check out our guide on People Pleasing and Burnout for more strategies and join our newsletter for regular tips on workplace wellbeing.
And don’t forget to download our free PDF of useful phrases for saying no at work. It’s a simple support tool you can keep on your desk or phone, so you don’t have to rely on willpower alone when setting boundaries. This is especially helpful if you tend to agree in the moment and only realise later that you’ve taken on too much.
Mairi
FAQs
Is it rude to say no at work?
No, saying no professionally and politely is not rude. It’s about being honest about your capacity so you can deliver quality work and maintain healthy boundaries.
How can I say no to my boss without damaging the relationship?
Focus on clarity and solutions. Frame your response around capacity and priorities, and offer alternatives when possible. For example: “I want to give this the attention it deserves, but I’m currently focused on X. Could we revisit this next week, or would someone else be able to support?”
What if I feel guilty when I say no?
Feeling guilty is natural for people pleasers. Remember that setting boundaries protects your energy and helps you deliver better work. Saying no can also benefit your team by encouraging shared responsibility.
How do I say no to a colleague politely?
Be direct but kind. You can say: “I want to support you, but I can’t take this on today. I can help with [specific task] instead.” Offer alternatives or invite collaboration without overcommitting.
Can saying no at work actually help my team?
Yes. When you say no strategically, it encourages accountability and gives colleagues opportunities to learn and grow. It prevents over-reliance on you and maintains the team’s overall productivity.
Do I always need to explain why I’m saying no?
No. A brief context is usually enough. Over-explaining or apologising repeatedly can undermine your boundaries. Keep it concise, polite, and professional.
Comments